last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
