you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
