You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
