U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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