I can feel you judging me through the phone.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
