distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
