Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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