): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
