i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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