my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
