dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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