I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
