why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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