We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just puked most of my soul out..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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