You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize