You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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