you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
