tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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