were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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