I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
