put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
