he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
