i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
