dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize