I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
