Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
