I faked an abortion last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Please don't give away my fajitas
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
