At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
