how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
