Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
