so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
