two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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