can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
is that a dick in a sweater?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
