if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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