weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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