I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
