Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
