I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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