We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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