Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
