I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
