I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
smell my finger.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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