I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize