New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
