you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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