Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
