so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize