my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
