Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
