it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
