My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
