You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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