mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
