i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
