Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
