it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I will die if light touches me.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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