i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
