Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i love accidental penises.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
