life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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