just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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