i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
