i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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