I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize