Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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