My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
