Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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