I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
