I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Houston, we have a blender
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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