Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
