Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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