I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
