Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
