i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
